That’s never been the problem. My problem is the exact opposite.
I have a tendency to take action. To speak exactly what I am feeling, exactly what I believe whether I or anyone around me would like me to or not. I wasn’t always this way. Over the last maybe a decade or so, I have found it impossible to stay quiet when I see something wrong. Something wrong. A small injustice. A big injustice. They all infuriate me and everyone around me knows it.
My body fills with heat and I obsess. I can not stop thinking about it and then I move.
Fight or Flight and for me it tends to always be fight.
Which leads me back to my whole thing lately. The OCD diagnosis. The needing everything to be just right. The being compelled to take action the second I see something wrong. It’s an interesting thing to sit with. Am I fighting because it’s right, or because my brain won’t tolerate the feeling of not fighting? And what happens when those two things overlap? When the compulsion and the correct thing to do are the same?
Maybe that’s one strange benefit of the doubting disorder. Because I will always suspect I might be the bad one, I overcorrect. i think through every possible situation, every outcome, every angle. I make sure, I check.
But lately I am learning something new.
Taking a breath. Not responding immediately. Look around to make sure the space I am taking up isn’t taking up someone else’s.
That one is harder than any fight I have ever picked.
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